Niko + Changchang

Changchang, you’re never selfish enough, which has always been your fucking problem.  That's probably why you stayed married for so long without coming, even once, from your piece-of-shit hubby, who watched teen and orientalist masseuse v-porn on his EMOS using SEBH software (Self-Erasing Browser History) and loitering Kreuzberg like a creepster (sorry, I followed him around Berlin once just to know the details of your collapsed marriage).  And btw, I’m not bitter, I’m just sangry* you put up with that kinda regressive heterobullshit when you were obviously unhappy and obviously not with a queer-friendly partner, I'm sangry that you tried to please your ancestors (or some other Confucian cliché that Asians cite to justify rigid social hierarchies and gender inequality) while your goddamn soul was DYING INSIDE and you were fingerbanging yourself to sleep, dreaming of my naked body wrapped around yours like familiar bathrobe, my arms doubled-knotted around your waist, my nose buried in the space between your clavicles, inhaling the smell of your damp and pelagic skin and your overpriced lilac conditioner and rosewater deodorant.  You smelled like home to me, and then you left one day without a word.

*Combination of sad and angry.