Svetlana + Belmont
I never actually read War and Peace, even though I claimed I did the entire time we were dating. I just wanted to impress you since I knew you were a slavophile and I wanted you to know I was more than just a hot piece of hapa man. I even looked up the word slavophile in the International Oxford Pan-English E-Dictionary, which took a long time since because my autocorrect wasn't working and I thought it was spelled: slavaphile. Then: slaviphile. Also: Slob-a-file.