My Annual Query Letter to Nicole Aragi

Like for X-mas, anniversaries, passover + the birthdays of uncles, I like to send Nicole Aragi a little thank-you note every year to honor + commemorate the blossoming of our future agent-writer relationship that I know we'll have someday when I'm famous + she's just a little richer because of me.

Okay, that's wishful thinking. Actually, almost every year, I like to send an unsolicited query letter to Nicole Aragi hoping that I've found the perfect window in which she's looking for just one more client that hasn't landed on her desk yet from an editor, agent or writer referral. I have no chance of codebreaking Nicole Aragi's window, I get it! But, considering what a superagent Nicole Aragi actually is + what she has done (continues to do) for the writing careers of her clients (don't even make me drop the list again), I have to fucking try anyway. So that's what I did:

Dear Lisa Smith,

Instead of sending you my annual query letter, I'm trying another approach: Is there any chance that Nicole Aragi is looking to take on a new client in 2011? If so, may I send you my query letter?

Peace, Blessings,

-Jackson Bliss

I realize my email is unorthodox + kinda curt, but I don't mean it rudely at all. I'm just trying to save Lisa Smith + Nicole Aragi time. If Nicole Aragi has already found her two new clients for the year between January + March of 2011 + she's sincerely not looking for another client until next year, then why waste their time? While I'm a hardworking writer with a crazy work ethic, an insane amount of ambition + talent to burn, I'm not a sadistic motherfucker by any stretch of the imagination. I'll never force myself on any agent, but I will try persuading a few to give me a chance. Worst case scenario (almost guaranteed scenario): Nothing happens + I'm right where I was before I sent that damn email. I can live with that.