I'm in a Dry Spell Y'all

These exclamation points don't conform to my own personal trajectory. They really fuck with my mind + make me feel like shit, but at the same time, they are also part of my learning curve, and therefore, part of my resistance, my defiance + my determination to be a great American novelist:

1. I haven't gotten a story accepted since last April, which is close to 10 months!

2. I'm still waiting for my first short story to get accepted from 2010. In other words, while I "30 Roofies" was accepted by Quarterly West in April of 2010, I submitted that story in 2009! To this day, I haven't gotten a single story accepted thus far that I submitted in 2010 + I submitted a 103 manuscripts! Even more fucked up, I only have 19 manuscripts left, which includes one agent, one publisher + a bunch of literary journals. Statistically, that's pretty fucking grim!

3. Part of the reason I'd love to have an agent, is because I'd love to stop submitting manuscripts to journals. It takes too much time away from my writing + time is already scarce enough commodity as a grad student!

4. I remember a conversation I had with Aimee + she said that most of the time, a dry spell occurs right after a string of acceptances + I'm starting to think she's on to something. I know I can't expect les bon temps rouler forever. After ZYZZYVA, finally getting my copy of the African American Review, + then Fiction, The Loudest Voice + Quarterly West, that shit can't go on forever. I know. I know. I know. But after seeing all of that momentum since 2009, it's really hard to let it go + even harder to start the momentum over again. I almost feel like after I get my next story picked up--inshallah--I'll get a couple more within a couple of months after that. But maybe I'm being too goddamn optimistic again!

5. In the big scheme of things, really, this dry spell forces me to realize how far I still have to go in my own writing career. By that I mean that while I'm happy/honored to publish novel chapters + stories in good literary journals, I never write fiction for the sole purpose of publishing it in literary journals, that's just a means to an end to get my name out there, to work with editors, to connect with readers, maybe some day find an agent + ultimately get my novels published + into people's hands. There's a lot of room for humility here too (though I think humility is an overrated quality, artistically speaking) but just as much for determination. I will get my shit out there someday + the almost 100 rejections I've gotten this year only make me more determined to publish BLANK + $67 for My Favorite Dictator + finish Ninjas too. Don't know how, but I'm gonna make it happen!

6. While it's ridiculous to make this call, I have a feeling I'm gonna get some good news in March-April. Don't know why, just a feeling I've got. And if I'm wrong--definitely happens--then whatever. I'm gonna keep writing. Someday, it's gonna work out. I just don't know how yet. Call me crazy. Call me misguided. Call me vain. As I see it, 2011 is gonna be a good year!